(AI ChatGPT5 Infographic -- The Unhinged Life of Randy)
The Completely Unhinged Life of
Randy
A Mostly Accurate Account of
One Man's Descent Into the Past
There are men who wake up in the morning and ask, “What
should I accomplish today?”
Randy does not. Randy wakes up and asks: “Where the heck
did Devier James Lamphier Smith's biological parents go?”
And that, as they say, is how the day begins. At an age (82) when
most reasonable people have concluded that they have earned the right
to sit quietly in a chair and complain about the price of groceries,
Randy remains dangerously active.
He is a genealogist. Not a casual genealogist. Not someone who
occasionally looks up Grandpa's name on Ancestry. No. Randy has
crossed the line. He has entered the Genealogical Zone.
He possesses a family tree containing more than 75,000
people, which is not a family tree anymore. It is a small
civilization. There are villages in Europe with fewer
inhabitants. There are counties in America with fewer people. There
are probably several countries whose entire populations could be
imported into Randy's genealogy database and he would merely say:
“Hmm. That's interesting. I wonder if I have their parents.”
His genealogy room (formerly his daughter's pink bedroom)—known in polite circles as his “genealogy
cave”—contains books, magazines,binders full of ancestors, papers, photographs, albums,
file cabinets, maps, pedigree charts, posters, computer equipment, USB drives,
record images and enough accumulated family history to make an
archivist faint.
There are thousands of photographs. Letters. Home movies.
Documents. Ancestor reports. Descendant reports. Family sketches.
More than five hundred ancestor biographies. All digitized (but organized?).
And, increasingly, artificial intelligence-generated stories about
dead relatives who have been minding their own business for 150 years
and suddenly discover that Randy has reconstructed their entire
lives. The dead have no privacy. Randy has Ancestry. And Claude and ChatGPT.
The Morning Ritual
At some point each morning (usually before 6 a.m.), Randy sits
down at his computer. This is not technically a workstation. It is a
command center.
Multiple genealogical databases await his attention. RootsMagic
stands ready. Ancestry waits. MyHeritage waits. FamilySearch waits.
Findmypast lurks in the shadows. Newspapers.com has something Randy
probably hasn't seen yet. GenealogyBank has another newspaper. Find a
Grave has a photograph of somebody's tombstone that may or may not
solve a problem that began in 1839. The entire Internet trembles.
Randy clicks. And thus begins another day of forensic genealogy.
He may start with something innocent. Perhaps an obituary.
Within twelve minutes, he has discovered a previously unknown
daughter, a migration pattern, a suspicious middle name, three
possible cousins, an unexplained gap in the 1860 census, and a man in
another county whose occupation is exactly right.
Randy stops. He stares at the screen. This is the moment. The
moment when the average person would say: “Well, that's
interesting.” Randy says: “Aha.” The
difference is profound.
The Case of Devier
But there is one mystery that has become something more than a
research problem. It has become personal.
Devier James Lamphier Smith. Born in 1839. Or
perhaps 1842. Adopted by Ranslow and Mary Smith in Jefferson County, New York. Apparently connected
somehow to the Lamphier/Lanfear family. Moved to Wisconsin. Legally changed
his name in 1866. And left behind just enough evidence to make Randy
absolutely certain that the truth exists while simultaneously
ensuring that finding it will require the combined efforts of
Sherlock Holmes, Columbo, Indiana Jones, a moderately competent county
clerk, 5th cousin DNA matches, and What Are The Odds (a DNA method).
Randy has DNA matches. He has trees. He has names. He has
geography. He has the five unmarried daughters living in the vicinity
in 1839. He has hypotheses. He has contradictory dates. He has
possible relationships. He has spreadsheets. He has probably stared
at the same family group sheet so many times that the people in it
are beginning to wonder why this strange bearded man keeps looking at
them.
And somewhere in heaven, Devier is probably saying: “Randy,
buddy, I honestly don't remember. I never asked! They never told me!”
Randy: “That's not good enough.”
The Philosophy of the Census
Randy has developed a particular relationship with the United
States census. Most people think of the census as a historical
document. Randy thinks of it as a witness statement. And witnesses
can be unreliable. The 1850 census says one thing. The 1860 census
says another. The ages don't match. The birthplace changes. The
surname has been spelled differently. The occupation doesn't make
sense. A child appears. Another disappears. Randy leans toward the
monitor. “Interesting.”
This word should frighten everyone. Because “interesting”
means Randy has detected an inconsistency. And an inconsistency means
research. And research means Randy will eventually
find himself reading a 147-year-old county history at 12:17 in the
morning because a man's middle initial appears to have changed from W
to M.
Then There Is Henry Carringer
Henry Carringer is another example of the Randy Effect. Henry was
a farmer. A perfectly respectable 19th-century farmer. He had land.
He had sons. He had livestock. He planted crops. He harvested them.
He presumably ate dinner and went to bed. A normal man.
But Randy has other ideas. Randy wants to know what Henry's life
felt like. So now Henry is no longer merely: Henry
Carringer — farmer, Mercer County, Pennsylvania.
He is a man standing in a field in the spring of 1850. The horses
breathe heavily in the morning air. The soil turns beneath the plow.
David, age 21, is working nearby. George, 17, is learning the rhythms
of farm work. Cornelius, 15, is discovering that agricultural labor
builds character primarily because there is no alternative. They are
planting. They are haying. They are sweating. They are probably
eating an enormous lunch.
And Randy is watching it all from 176 years away. He has
transformed census entries into people. That is one of the strangest
things about Randy's particular obsession. He doesn't merely want to
know who his ancestors were. He wants to know what
they did on Tuesday. What they ate. What the weather was probably
like. What tools they used. What the house smelled like. What the
children argued about. What Henry thought when he looked across those
fields.
He wants the dead to become inconveniently alive again.
The Pig Problem
And then there are the pigs. At some point Randy began asking what
19th-century farmers actually did with pigs. This is a dangerous
question. Because once you start investigating pigs in 1870, you
inevitably arrive at lard. And once you arrive at lard, suddenly you
are researching 19th-century soapmaking, cooking, candles,
preservation, leather, machinery and household economics. A normal
person would have stopped.
Randy did not. Because now the pig has become historically
significant. That pig has a job. That pig is
contributing to the Carringer family economy. That pig may eventually
appear in a story. And if Randy has his way, someday a descendant
will read that story and say: “Great-grandpa Henry had pigs.”
And Randy will quietly smile. Because he knows that Great-grandpa
Henry's pigs were never merely pigs. They were evidence.
The Amanuensis
Then comes Monday. Most people dislike Monday. Randy has
Amanuensis Monday. This is the day when some poor
historical document is placed on the operating table. A deed. A will.
A probate record. A court proceeding. A land transaction. Randy takes
the document apart. He transcribes it. Line by line. Word by word. He
examines the names. He identifies relationships. He follows the land.
He searches the witnesses. He checks the dates. He records the
source. He puts it into RootsMagic.
And then, because apparently transcription alone isn't enough, he
writes about it. The document has been dead for 140 years. Randy
gives it another afternoon.
Treasure Chest Thursday
Thursday arrives. Most people are watching television. Randy is
opening a computer file containing a photograph, letter, record, certificate, or
mysterious piece of family memorabilia.
Treasure Chest Thursday.
The item may be worth three dollars. It may be worth nothing
financially. But Randy doesn't care. Its real value is that somebody
in his family touched it. Somebody carried it. Somebody saved it.
Somebody thought it was worth keeping. That makes it priceless. So
Randy photographs it. Describes it. Researches it. Identifies the
people. Figures out the date. Adds the source. Adds the media. And
then writes another post.
Somewhere, a hidden 1918 wedding ring is probably watching all of this
with increasing anxiety.
The Blog
And then there is the blog. Genea-Musings. Nearly
twenty thousand posts. At this point, calling it a blog is almost
insulting. It is more like a digital archaeological site.
You don't simply “read Genea-Musings.” You excavate it. There
are layers. Strata. Deposits. Artifacts. A future historian could
probably spend six years studying Randy's blog and emerge muttering:
“I'm still not sure what happened in 2021.” [Hint: a heart problem!]
The blog contains research, methodology, discoveries, family
history, records, photographs, stories, AI experiments, genealogy
technology, and the occasional completely normal question that somehow
becomes a 1,500-word investigation.
Randy writes about genealogy. Then he writes about writing
genealogy. Then he writes about using AI to write genealogy. Then he
asks AI to write about him writing about AI writing genealogy. The
snake has eaten its own tail.
Enter Artificial Intelligence
This is where things get truly dangerous. Randy discovered
artificial intelligence. Or perhaps artificial intelligence
discovered Randy. Nobody knows. The relationship began innocently.
“Can AI help me write an ancestor biography?”
Sure. Then: “Can AI turn dry genealogical facts into a story?”
Sure. Then: “Can AI write a Day in the Life of Henry Carringer?”
Yes. Then: “Can AI make it historically plausible?” Yes. Then:
“Can AI write a dialogue?” Yes. Then: “A poem?” Yes. “A
song?” Yes. “A podcast?” Yes. “A slideshow?” Yes. “A
video?” Yes. “A Finding Your Roots-style episode about Devier's
parentage incorporating DNA evidence?”
At this point the AI should probably have contacted somebody.
Instead, it said: “Absolutely.” [ChatGPT starts every response this way!]
And Randy was off. He began imagining an entire system where a
family historian could upload a genealogical sketch, photographs, an
obituary and research notes—and emerge with a sourced biography,
memoir, historical stories, poem, song, podcast, video, and slide show.
The logical next step is obvious. Randy will eventually attempt to
resurrect an ancestor as a hologram. And when the hologram says
something not supported by a source, Randy will interrupt: “Now
wait a minute. Where did you get that?”
The Great Enemy: Unsupported Facts
There is one thing Randy cannot tolerate. Not war. Not politics.
Not taxes. Not even bad weather. Unsourced genealogy.
Somewhere in the genealogical universe, an AI has just invented a
middle name. Randy feels a disturbance in the Force. He sits upright.
His glasses slide down his nose. His white beard trembles. “Where
did that come from?”
The AI begins explaining. Randy is already opening the source. No.
No. No. No. That isn't documented. And thus another hallucination
dies before breakfast.
Randy's standard is simple: If you don't know, say you
don't know. If the evidence is contradictory, say
it's contradictory. If something is plausible but unproven,
call it a hypothesis. If the evidence is negative,
record the negative evidence. And if somebody's
online family tree says that George Washington was the father of a
person born in 1842—Randy reaches for the keyboard.
The Family Historian's Final Mission
The funny thing is that beneath all this madness is something
remarkably old-fashioned. Randy wants to remember people. Not
celebrities. Not kings. Not presidents. Ordinary people. Farmers.
Blacksmiths. Machinists. Combmakers. Wheelwrights. Coopers.
Ministers. Farmers. Salesgirls. Soldiers. Mothers. Fathers. Children.
People who lived ordinary lives and left behind a handful of
records. A census entry. A marriage certificate. A newspaper notice.
A grave. A photograph. A letter. A ring. A few lines in somebody
else's Bible. Randy takes those scraps and says: “You
mattered. You made me!” And
then he spends three hours proving it.
The Future
There is no retirement in sight. Retirement would require
stopping. Stopping would require being satisfied. Being satisfied
would require knowing everything. And Randy knows better than anyone
that you never know everything. And he’s
having too much fun to stop.
There is always another record. Another newspaper. Another DNA
match. Another county. Another spelling. Another photograph. Another
suspicious census household. Another ancestor who apparently lied
about his age. Another child who vanished between censuses. Another
woman whose maiden name has been hidden for 150 years. Another family
Bible waiting in somebody's attic. Another document written in
handwriting that appears to have been produced by a chicken walking
through an ink bottle.
And somewhere, buried beneath all of it, is another story. So
Randy will sit down tomorrow. He will put on his glasses. He will
adjust his white beard. He will open RootsMagic. He will open
Ancestry. He will open FamilySearch. He will open MyHeritage. He will open another 47 browser
tabs. He will forget which tab contained the important thing. He will
find it again. He will make a note. He will make another note about
the note. He will save the record. He will cite the record. He will
certainly write a blog post about the record.
Then he will ask an AI to help him turn the record into a story.
And somewhere around midnight, he will suddenly say: “Wait
a minute.”
Because he has noticed something. A tiny inconsistency. A name. A
date. A place. A relationship. A clue. And the entire operation
begins again. The descendants of his ancestors may have thought they
had escaped into history. They were wrong.
Randy is coming. And he has a subscription to
Newspapers.com. God help the dead.
================================
I giggled all the way through reading this the first time. I can't be this good, er, bad, right? How does AI do this? It takes three years of prompts and chats and turns it into this, um, story.
Fortunately, I haven't done ALL of my AI work on ChatGPT -- most of it is on Anthropic Claude. ChatGPT knows nothing at all about my wife's ancestry.
You know that this is not exactly how I am, right? Right? Oh dear. My guess is that many (some? a few?) of my genealogy friends and colleagues are in the Genealogical Zone. All day long? All year long? Are you? If so, ask ChatGPT (or your favorite AI assistant) to write an unhinged narrative about you! Enjoy! Giggle! It's good for your soul.
It seems that ChatGPT5 loves really short sentences. I ran many of them together in this post to save space.
Should I ask ChatGPT5 how to recover from this problem of being in the Genealogical Zone? I'm afraid it will make sense. Or someone will refer me to the folks who dress you in a one-piece outfit with arms that tie in the back (Remember the song "They're coming to take me away, ha ha, hee hee..." by Napoleon XIV).
Of course, I had to make a Google Gemini Notebook Infographic and Video. The Video is on my YouTube channel and below:
The lesson here is "Sometimes, be afraid of what you ask for."
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Copyright (c) 2026, Randall J. Seaver
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