Monday, June 19, 2006

The Will of a Conspiracy Theorist

I ran across the Last Will and Testament of Patrick Dunkler (written by Christopher Hynes) here. Some excerpts:

On the disposition of his remains:

The first matter of business: my body. Assuming I didn't "accidentally" fall into a vat of acid that destroyed even my bones, I would like the United States Government to bury me next to President John F. Kennedy. What's that? You can't? Oh, isn't that interesting. How about next to Elvis? No? Jesus? I hope you understand that this is a legally binding document, and by failing to comply, you admit that these men are not really dead!

His most precious heirlooms:
You have no doubt heard of my legendary collection of evidence against the secret societies that control our lives. Indeed, it is an awe-inspiring compilation of photographs and legal documents that will, quite frankly, blow your mind...Now, I know that They will have someone eavesdropping when this is read aloud, so I need to tell you the location in code:

The ilesfay are in the oeboxshay in my edroombay osetclay.

Keep them safe!

In the event that I die of truly natural causes, please disregard my previous instructions and bury me below a tombstone that reads: "I fought The Illuminati and all I got was this lousy tombstone."

There is, of course, much more to the will. Read it all. There are other funny articles at this site. Laugh at the wit (or twisted mind?) of some people. Enjoy.

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